In my Introduction post, I wrote about how I had tried blogging before and it had never really worked out consistently. I’m almost three months in to posting on this blog twice a week, and I’m so thankful that I’ve stuck with it.
pexels.com
It’s not always easy – I do a lot less laying around and watching makeup youtube tutorials. But writing these posts and updating this site is something I genuinely look forward to, and it’s something that I take meaning from. It’s helped my confidence, and it has helped me feel connected to the mental health world in a way that I really value.
That being said, I’ve decided to go all in. I have really liked using WordPress, but it’s time for a little upgrade. I’m moving to Squarespace, and along with it is coming a dot-com address. Which feels very serious and very awesome.
I’m going to try to figure out how to get this site to redirect to my new one, but I wanted to post about it here first because a decent amount of my web traffic comes from WordPress Reader. I’ve found such incredible value in your comments and discussion, and I am so grateful for every word you have read.
If you are a WordPress reader and you still want to see me in your feed, you can!
Go to WordPress Reader
Click the “Manage” button next to “Followed Sites”
And you should be all set! Again, thank you for all of your support, and I am super excited to be upgrading my site and continuing to talk mental health and wellness with you smart, insightful, amazing women ❤
Wednesdays are boring. Winter is boring. January is boring. Life is boring?
Okay, it isn’t. I really don’t think it is. But on some days…some January Winter Wednesdays…it’s hard to remember that.
When nothing particularly exciting is happening (or has happened) for a few weeks, things can start to feel…blah. You get up. You go to work. You come home. You make dinner. You watch TV. You sleep. You repeat.
It can feel a bit mindless. We fall into our routines so simply and easily, to the point where we might start to just live life on automatic. This really doesn’t help the ever-famous quarter-life crisis. When we fall too hard into our routines, we start to feel bored, and that makes us question our choices — am I in the right job? The right city? With the right friends? Could I make changes in my life so that things don’t feel so dull? These questions then incite panic. What if I’ve been living my life wrong this whole time? Am I wasting it?
Here’s what I think: I think that even your role models (you know, the ones with the exciting careers, inspiring creative opportunities, and perfect families, all somehow steadily documented on Instagram?) get bored with life sometimes.
One of the reasons Exposure Therapy (the intervention in which you face your crippling fears head on with the help of a therapist) works is because the feeling of panic isn’t sustainable — you can be in the same room as the thing you fear for 3 hours, but you will not spend every minute of all 3 of those hours being at Level 10 panic and fear.
I think excitement in life is kind of the same. Life’s going to (hopefully) last us like, 85 years. It’s probably unrealistic that we will spend all 31,025 of those days super excited (yes! I did math). So I think there’s some level of “accepting the boringness” involved, but also…we are mental wellness warriors over here. We are not the kind of girls to let our lives slip away.
I’ve got two ideas for Beating the Boring out of your day:
#1: Purposefully and intentionally integrate something new and exciting into your routine. This is for the go-getters out there who really want to experience the most they can out of life. The approach is simple — just be mindful of how you feel on a daily basis, and when things start to get boring, don’t let yourself sink into it. Instead, make an easy change that can feel exciting. For me, reading can really transport me to a different place and time, so start reading a juicy, for-fun book (I recommend The Girl on the Train if you like a quick, thrilling mystery).
Make little challenges for yourself daily; for instance, on Monday, challenge yourself to start up a conversation with someone new at work, and on Tuesday, challenge yourself to go check out that gallery down the street you’ve always been curious about. This approach is for people who want to take action. I don’t think our lives get boring because we run out of ideas of things to do — they get boring because we stop challenging ourselves to do them.
And, approach #2: Fall in love with your routines. This approach is for when you feel good about settling into a life of routine and stability, but don’t want your days to become mundane because of it. This is all about falling in love with the little things. My favorite example of this comes from my previous resistance to washing my face at night. Two years ago I hated doing it, and often didn’t, even though I knew it would be better for my skin to keep it clean. One day I decided to look up different kinds of face cleansers and buy a new one to replace the $4 drugstore one I had. This simple step sparked in me a total obsession with skincare! Taking the time to research this part of my nightly routine and invest in a product that excited me took things to a whole other level, and now my nightly skincare routine is my ultimate self-care.
Something similar happened with my daily showers; instead of treating them as an annoying necessity, as I had my whole life, I stopped to really feel the shower when I take it, and how relaxing and comforting it feels. I started to view it as a way to cleanse me of my stresses and worries. Just shifting my mindset made this part of my routine much more enjoyable. This can be done with all of our “annoying” routines – dishes, laundry, picking up clothes. Find one little thing you might kind of like about it. Shift your focus to be on that — on how great you feel when your home is decluttered, and how comfortingly simple it is to scrub a bowl and focus on nothing else but that. Be in the present, and realize how truly grateful you are to be there, boring or not.
How do you keep life exciting during its lulls? Comment below!
Wednesdays are boring. Winter is boring. January is boring. Life is boring?
Okay, it isn’t. I really don’t think it is. But on some days…some January Winter Wednesdays…it’s hard to remember that.
When nothing particularly exciting is happening (or has happened) for a few weeks, things can start to feel…blah. You get up. You go to work. You come home. You make dinner. You watch TV. You sleep. You repeat.
It can feel a bit mindless. We fall into our routines so simply and easily, to the point where we might start to just live life on automatic. This really doesn’t help the ever-famous quarter-life crisis. When we fall too hard into our routines, we start to feel bored, and that makes us question our choices — am I in the right job? The right city? With the right friends? Could I make changes in my life so that things don’t feel so dull? These questions then incite panic. What if I’ve been living my life wrong this whole time? Am I wasting it?
Here’s what I think: I think that even your role models (you know, the ones with the exciting careers, inspiring creative opportunities, and perfect families, all somehow steadily documented on Instagram?) get bored with life sometimes. One of the reasons Exposure Therapy (the intervention in which you face your crippling fears head on with the help of a therapist) works is because the feeling of panic isn’t sustainable — you can be in the same room as the thing you fear for 3 hours, but you will not spend every minute of all 3 of those hours being at Level 10 panic and fear.
I think excitement in life is kind of the same. Life’s going to (hopefully) last us like, 85 years. It’s probably unrealistic that we will spend all 31,025 of those days super excited (yes! I did math). So I think there’s some level of “accepting the boringness” involved, but also…we are mental wellness warriors over here. We are not the kind of girls to let our lives slip away.
I’ve got two ideas for Beating the Boring out of your day:
#1: Purposefully and intentionally integrate something new and exciting into your routine. This is for the go-getters out there who really want to experience the most they can out of life. The approach is simple — just be mindful of how you feel on a daily basis, and when things start to get boring, don’t let yourself sink into it. Instead, make an easy change that can feel exciting. For me, reading can really transport me to a different place and time, so start reading a juicy, for-fun book (I recommend The Girl on the Train if you like a quick, thrilling mystery).
Make little challenges for yourself daily; for instance, on Monday, challenge yourself to start up a conversation with someone new at work, and on Tuesday, challenge yourself to go check out that gallery down the street you’ve always been curious about. This approach is for people who want to take action. I don’t think our lives get boring because we run out of ideas of things to do — they get boring because we stop challenging ourselves to do them.
And, approach #2: Fall in love with your routines. This approach is for when you feel good about settling into a life of routine and stability, but don’t want your days to become mundane because of it. This is all about falling in love with the little things. My favorite example of this comes from my previous resistance to washing my face at night. Two years ago I hated doing it, and often didn’t, even though I knew it would be better for my skin to keep it clean. One day I decided to look up different kinds of face cleansers and buy a new one to replace the $4 drugstore one I had. This simple step sparked in me a total obsession with skincare! Taking the time to research this part of my nightly routine and invest in a product that excited me took things to a whole other level, and now my nightly skincare routine is my ultimate self-care.
Something similar happened with my daily showers; instead of treating them as an annoying necessity, as I had my whole life, I stopped to really feel the shower when I take it, and how relaxing and comforting it feels. I started to view it as a way to cleanse me of my stresses and worries. Just shifting my mindset made this part of my routine much more enjoyable. This can be done with all of our “annoying” routines – dishes, laundry, picking up clothes. Find one little thing you might kind of like about it. Shift your focus to be on that — on how great you feel when your home is decluttered, and how comfortingly simple it is to scrub a bowl and focus on nothing else but that. Be in the present, and realize how truly grateful you are to be there, boring or not.
How do you keep life exciting during its lulls? Comment below!
People in their twenties don’t know what’s going on. I learned that from gif-heavy Buzzfeed articles and faux-philosophical Elite Daily posts. It doesn’t matter that I don’t visit these sites — I see them still because they are constantly reposted on Facebook and retweeted on Twitter by peers around my age. There’s a sense of what do I want and what am I doing? that really resonates with people, especially those who recently graduated from college and are starting their careers and entering serious relationships.
These life changes come with genuine questions that often turn into problems. You might ask yourself, “Do I really like my job?” You might then realize the answer is “Nope, definitely don’t.” But then what? What job would you like? Maybe you dream of being an artist and you made a goal to paint more this year, but you are having a seriously hard time actually doing it. Why is it so hard to sit down and paint at night?
Sometimes the answers to your problems can be really hard to figure out.
I’ve written before about solution-focused brief therapy (SFBT), an approach that really resonated with me because it’s so action-oriented and measurable. I also like this approach because it’s useful for people dealing with lots of different things – severe stuff like addiction or depression, but also that feeling of just being kind of “stuck” in life.
One of the main SFBT interventions is asking The Miracle Question. In class, I learned about how to ask a client The Miracle Question — slowly, carefully, and patiently. As I’ve stated before on this blog, Morning Wellness (or online psychology-related sites in general) shouldn’t be treated as a substitute for therapy, but I do think there’s value in reading about psychotherapeutic interventions and seeing if you can take anything from the thoughts they inspire in you.
The Miracle Question, created by Steve deShazer, goes something like this:
Suppose, after we finish here, you go home tonight, watch TV, do your usual chores, etc., and then go to bed and to sleep. And while you are sleeping, a miracle happens and the problems that brought you here are solved—just like that! But because this happens while you are sleeping, you cannot know that it has happened. Once you wake up in the morning, how will you [know] that this miracle has happened? (deShazer, n.d.)
Whenever I watched a video in class of a client getting asked this question, the client looked at the therapist like, “What, crazy person?” So that’s maybe what you’re thinking.
But think about it: your main problem right now. What if you went to sleep, woke up, and the problem was gone? What would be the first sign that tells you the problem isn’t an issue anymore?
Answering this question does a few things:
It helps you identify the effects that your problem has on you. When coming up with an answer to The Miracle Question, the first miracle that pops into your mind is probably related to the factor that has the biggest negative influence on your daily life.
It reminds you that things aren’t hopeless. It lets you imagine life how you want it to be – without the problem.
It motivates you to start working toward fixing the effects that the problem has on you.
So, let’s say your problem is that you are super stressed because you “have no time.” If you were asked The Miracle Question, you might say, “Well, I’d wake up feeling refreshed, and I’d walk into my living room and start doing yoga, slowly and mindfully, and I wouldn’t be worried about the clock or all the things I have to do.”
That gives you some good stuff to work with – you want to be well-rested, have more peaceful mornings, practice yoga without worry, and move at a slower pace. You’ve identified the things that will help you feel as if a miracle occurred; your problem was solved.
Now how are you going to work to make that miracle real?
People in their twenties don’t know what’s going on. I learned that from gif-heavy Buzzfeed articles and faux-philosophical Elite Daily posts. It doesn’t matter that I don’t visit these sites — I see them still because they are constantly reposted on Facebook and retweeted on Twitter by peers around my age. There’s a sense of what do I want and what am I doing? that really resonates with people, especially those who recently graduated from college and are starting their careers and entering serious relationships.
These life changes come with genuine questions that often turn into problems. You might ask yourself, “Do I really like my job?” You might then realize the answer is “Nope, definitely don’t.” But then what? What job would you like? Maybe you dream of being an artist and you made a goal to paint more this year, but you are having a seriously hard time actually doing it. Why is it so hard to sit down and paint at night?
Sometimes the answers to your problems can be really hard to figure out.
I’ve written before about solution-focused brief therapy (SFBT), an approach that really resonated with me because it’s so action-oriented and measurable. I also like this approach because it’s useful for people dealing with lots of different things – severe stuff like addiction or depression, but also that feeling of just being kind of “stuck” in life.
One of the main SFBT interventions is asking The Miracle Question. In class, I learned about how to ask a client The Miracle Question — slowly, carefully, and patiently. As I’ve stated before on this blog, Morning Wellness (or online psychology-related sites in general) shouldn’t be treated as a substitute for therapy, but I do think there’s value in reading about psychotherapeutic interventions and seeing if you can take anything from the thoughts they inspire in you.
The Miracle Question, created by Steve deShazer, goes something like this:
Suppose, after we finish here, you go home tonight, watch TV, do your usual chores, etc., and then go to bed and to sleep. And while you are sleeping, a miracle happens and the problems that brought you here are solved—just like that! But because this happens while you are sleeping, you cannot know that it has happened. Once you wake up in the morning, how will you [know] that this miracle has happened? (deShazer, n.d.)
Whenever I watched a video in class of a client getting asked this question, the client looked at the therapist like, “What, crazy person?” So that’s maybe what you’re thinking.
But think about it: your main problem right now. What if you went to sleep, woke up, and the problem was gone? What would be the first sign that tells you the problem isn’t an issue anymore?
Answering this question does a few things:
It helps you identify the effects that your problem has on you. When coming up with an answer to The Miracle Question, the first miracle that pops into your mind is probably related to the factor that has the biggest negative influence on your daily life.
It reminds you that things aren’t hopeless. It lets you imagine life how you want it to be – without the problem.
It motivates you to start working toward fixing the effects that the problem has on you.
So, let’s say your problem is that you are super stressed because you “have no time.” If you were asked The Miracle Question, you might say, “Well, I’d wake up feeling refreshed, and I’d walk into my living room and start doing yoga, slowly and mindfully, and I wouldn’t be worried about the clock or all the things I have to do.”
That gives you some good stuff to work with – you want to be well-rested, have more peaceful mornings, practice yoga without worry, and move at a slower pace. You’ve identified the things that will help you feel as if a miracle occurred; your problem was solved.
Now how are you going to work to make that miracle real?
Last Monday I flew from my hometown in the Chicago suburbs back to Los Angeles, and I’ve gotta say…it’s always harder than I think it will be.
deathtothestockphoto.com
My family is really important to me. They’re loud and they’re crazy and they’re definitely not perfect, but they are more fun than anyone I know. My decision to move to Los Angeles was fueled by my career, my love, and my need to get out there and live somewhere greater than the suburbs of Chicago. But when I hug my mom goodbye at the airport….I start to doubt if any of that is worth it.
The whole thing had me thinking about the after-effects of making a big decision.
I knew that I wanted to move to Los Angeles. I love the warm weather and the constant sunshine. I love the bustling people and the feeling that everyone is trying to do something and to be somebody. I can feel the creative energy in the air here, and it’s inspiring.
And then there’s always that nagging feeling – what if I made the wrong choice?
I realized coming back from this trip that there is always going to be some sacrifice involved in making a huge decision. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever feel 100% certain about anything. It feels a little vulnerable to say that, because I think media portrayals of motivated women want you to believe that true dedication to anything requires 100% confidence in career moves, relationships, and relocation.
But life isn’t perfect and no big choice we make is going to have 100% positive results. I moved to Los Angeles and have to sacrifice seeing my family as much as I’d like. But if I didn’t move to Los Angeles, I’d be giving in to a “stuck in the suburbs” lifestyle that I know isn’t a good fit for me. There’s always going to be a little sacrifice involved.
So it’s like this: big decisions need to be made, and with each choice will come a bit of a sacrifice. So how do we know which sacrifice is worth making?
To me, this comes down to finding your values. What is your priority right now? Depending on where you’re at, it could be a lot of things: family, career, romance, friendship, self-care, fitness, money, travel, exploration. Sometimes it’s super clear what you want to prioritize – and sometimes it isn’t.
My professor gave us a Values Clarification exercise in my Field and Practice class when I was getting my Master’s degree in Social Work. The fill-in-the-blanks worksheet allows you to complete sentences like, “To be happy with my job, I must have ___________ and ___________,” and “The path to success in life begins with ______________ and ends with ____________.” You’re instructed not to think too hard about it, but to just answer with what first comes to your mind.
I love this exercise because it helps put your values into context. All you have to do is answer honestly and then read over your responses when you’re done and see if you notice a pattern. You might see that most of your answers reflect a commitment to traveling or to love or to career success. Your answers, then, can help teach you about your priorities and give you a hint about which big decision to make. We can easily say that first and foremost we value family, but when we fill in the blanks in tough, thought-provoking sentences, we can see whether our answers really do reflect that value the most.
If you’re in the middle of a big decision or if you just want to explore what you want for yourself, try filling out the worksheet here!
*PS – I have no idea where this exercise came from – my professor didn’t cite a source! If anyone has it, please let me know and I will edit to give credit 🙂
Last Monday I flew from my hometown in the Chicago suburbs back to Los Angeles, and I’ve gotta say…it’s always harder than I think it will be.
deathtothestockphoto.com
My family is really important to me. They’re loud and they’re crazy and they’re definitely not perfect, but they are more fun than anyone I know. My decision to move to Los Angeles was fueled by my career, my love, and my need to get out there and live somewhere greater than the suburbs of Chicago. But when I hug my mom goodbye at the airport….I start to doubt if any of that is worth it.
The whole thing had me thinking about the after-effects of making a big decision.
I knew that I wanted to move to Los Angeles. I love the warm weather and the constant sunshine. I love the bustling people and the feeling that everyone is trying to do something and to be somebody. I can feel the creative energy in the air here, and it’s inspiring.
And then there’s always that nagging feeling – what if I made the wrong choice?
I realized coming back from this trip that there is always going to be some sacrifice involved in making a huge decision. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever feel 100% certain about anything. It feels a little vulnerable to say that, because I think media portrayals of motivated women want you to believe that true dedication to anything requires 100% confidence in career moves, relationships, and relocation.
But life isn’t perfect and no big choice we make is going to have 100% positive results. I moved to Los Angeles and have to sacrifice seeing my family as much as I’d like. But if I didn’t move to Los Angeles, I’d be giving in to a “stuck in the suburbs” lifestyle that I know isn’t a good fit for me. There’s always going to be a little sacrifice involved.
So it’s like this: big decisions need to be made, and with each choice will come a bit of a sacrifice. So how do we know which sacrifice is worth making?
To me, this comes down to finding your values. What is your priority right now? Depending on where you’re at, it could be a lot of things: family, career, romance, friendship, self-care, fitness, money, travel, exploration. Sometimes it’s super clear what you want to prioritize – and sometimes it isn’t.
My professor gave us a Values Clarification exercise in my Field and Practice class when I was getting my Master’s degree in Social Work. The fill-in-the-blanks worksheet allows you to complete sentences like, “To be happy with my job, I must have ___________ and ___________,” and “The path to success in life begins with ______________ and ends with ____________.” You’re instructed not to think too hard about it, but to just answer with what first comes to your mind.
I love this exercise because it helps put your values into context. All you have to do is answer honestly and then read over your responses when you’re done and see if you notice a pattern. You might see that most of your answers reflect a commitment to traveling or to love or to career success. Your answers, then, can help teach you about your priorities and give you a hint about which big decision to make. We can easily say that first and foremost we value family, but when we fill in the blanks in tough, thought-provoking sentences, we can see whether our answers really do reflect that value the most.
If you’re in the middle of a big decision or if you just want to explore what you want for yourself, try filling out the worksheet here!
*PS – I have no idea where this exercise came from – my professor didn’t cite a source! If anyone has it, please let me know and I will edit to give credit 🙂
I’m a predictable girl, really, and I can be attracted to online blog posts or Oprah magazine articles with just the simplest honey: use of buzzwords like DREAMS, GOALS, CREATIVITY, and SKINCARE SALE AT SEPHORA. Making a vision board appeals to three of these passions, and I’ve become dedicated to sharing their magic with others in blog posts of my own.
Creating a vision board is fun and inspiring, and it requires no talent beyond the ability to use a pair of scissors. You’ll need a huge pile of old magazines (either lying around your house or cheaply purchased at a thrift store like Goodwill), a glue stick, a pair of scissors, and a poster board. I’d suggest a small to medium sized board, since your goal is to cover the entire board with images.
To curate content for your vision board, simply explore the magazines, look at the images, read the bolded headlines, and see what speaks to you. I love this because there are no rules. Anything can speak to you. That random photo of a bowl of oatmeal caught your eye? Cut it out! Why not? Initially, don’t think too hard about why you were attracted to the image. Just put it in your pile of clippings. Once it’s clipped, think about it: what does this image mean to me? An image of a bowl of oatmeal might be your way of telling yourself that you want to commit to eating better. Eating breakfast. Having time in the morning to relax and make a meal. Avoiding the morning rush.
The magazine-clipping process takes a while, so make yourself comfortable. Put on music, sip some hot chocolate, and wear your fuzziest socks. After a while, you’ll have a stack of clippings that you have chosen because they motivate you, inspire you, and reflect the dreams that you have for yourself. The final step is simply gluing the clippings onto your board in a way that makes you happy.
I have made two vision boards and felt completely inspired after each time. The process allowed me to reflect on my values. How do the images I chose represent the things I want in my life? Reflect on the themes of your vision board. If half of your board is filled up with photos related to career aspirations, then you are clearly ready to become a girlboss. Hang your vision board in your room, somewhere it can be easily seen, and you’ll be reminded daily of your desire for a successful career. Your goal, then, is often on your mind, and I believe you’ll start to naturally make choices that lead you in the direction of achieving that goal.
Try making a vision board with a friend! It creates such inspiring conversation around your 2016 goals. Ask your friend why she chose certain photos and tell her why you chose yours. Sephora sales have their perks, but bonding with another girl over hopes, creativity, and daydreams is priceless.
I’m a predictable girl, really, and I can be attracted to online blog posts or Oprah magazine articles with just the simplest honey: use of buzzwords like DREAMS, GOALS, CREATIVITY, and SKINCARE SALE AT SEPHORA. Making a vision board appeals to three of these passions, and I’ve become dedicated to sharing their magic with others in blog posts of my own.
Creating a vision board is fun and inspiring, and it requires no talent beyond the ability to use a pair of scissors. You’ll need a huge pile of old magazines (either lying around your house or cheaply purchased at a thrift store like Goodwill), a glue stick, a pair of scissors, and a poster board. I’d suggest a small to medium sized board, since your goal is to cover the entire board with images.
To curate content for your vision board, simply explore the magazines, look at the images, read the bolded headlines, and see what speaks to you. I love this because there are no rules. Anything can speak to you. That random photo of a bowl of oatmeal caught your eye? Cut it out! Why not? Initially, don’t think too hard about why you were attracted to the image. Just put it in your pile of clippings. Once it’s clipped, think about it: what does this image mean to me? An image of a bowl of oatmeal might be your way of telling yourself that you want to commit to eating better. Eating breakfast. Having time in the morning to relax and make a meal. Avoiding the morning rush.
The magazine-clipping process takes a while, so make yourself comfortable. Put on music, sip some hot chocolate, and wear your fuzziest socks. After a while, you’ll have a stack of clippings that you have chosen because they motivate you, inspire you, and reflect the dreams that you have for yourself. The final step is simply gluing the clippings onto your board in a way that makes you happy.
I have made two vision boards and felt completely inspired after each time. The process allowed me to reflect on my values. How do the images I chose represent the things I want in my life? Reflect on the themes of your vision board. If half of your board is filled up with photos related to career aspirations, then you are clearly ready to become a girlboss. Hang your vision board in your room, somewhere it can be easily seen, and you’ll be reminded daily of your desire for a successful career. Your goal, then, is often on your mind, and I believe you’ll start to naturally make choices that lead you in the direction of achieving that goal.
Try making a vision board with a friend! It creates such inspiring conversation around your 2016 goals. Ask your friend why she chose certain photos and tell her why you chose yours. Sephora sales have their perks, but bonding with another girl over hopes, creativity, and daydreams is priceless.
One of my 2016 goals is to read, read, read, anything and everything. I love fiction, but I also want to read more psychology & social work books, plus those soul-lifting, spiritually-awakening – okay, “self-help” – books.
ashleyelladesign.com
I’m about halfway through Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly, a popular book (based off a popular TED Talk) about being vulnerable and building shame resilience, and I’ve been underlining like a mad woman. It really is a great book, very easy to read and sprinkled with entertaining anecdotes and a whole lotta wisdom.
Something really stood out to me in the chapter I read today. Brene writes,
“[R]esearch tells us that we judge people in areas where we’re vulnerable to shame, especially picking folks who are doing worse than we’re doing.”
The statement is quick and it’s simple, but it got me thinking. I would love to sit here and say that I have never spoken a negative word about anyone, but we’d both know that that’s a lie. Oh, I really, really wish it weren’t, and you better believe I’m trying to cut bad-talk from my life, but humans aren’t perfect (Right? Please? It’s not just me??).
So I tried to think about the times I remember that I have spoken badly about someone. What specifically did I judge?
Think about it. When you hear yourself talk bad about someone else, what are you judging specifically? From my experience, people tend to say negative statements that judge others most on their:
Physical appearance
Career
Relationship
Money
Knowledge
Parenting
When you say something or think something negative about someone, take a moment to stop and notice what it is that you just judged. Then, take a moment to consider that particular area in your own life. According to that Daring Greatly quote up there, you might realize that you have some shame happening in that area of your own life.
Working with clients, I really emphasize the importance of being aware of what’s going on in our heads. Awareness doesn’t always bring solutions, but it does get you a step toward understanding. Once we understand, we can be gentler towards ourselves – and then, find solutions in an empathetic, self-compassionate way.
If you’re like me, you really, really hate it when you catch yourself thinking or saying something bad about someone. I’ve just found that it doesn’t do any good – it doesn’t make me feel better at all, just guiltier. But again, with the theme of being gentle to ourselves, I think we can take this quote and make it something positive.
So how about this:
Next time you say something or think something judgmental about someone else, take a moment to pause.
Do your best to ‘categorize’ your judgment (ie. Was your statement about another person’s relationship? Career? Looks?).
Reflect on that category of your own life. Are you satisfied with it? (Really. Are you?)
CHANGE or ACCEPT: either make a plan to take one small step toward increasing your life satisfaction in that category, OR take a deep breath and practice acceptance of your personal situation.
I like this strategy because it turns the negative action of gossiping or negative thinking and turns it into a positive step toward changing or accepting your life circumstances.
What do you think – can we turn our negative thinking into motivation and/or acceptance in 2016?
P.S. If you like reading and stalking what other people are reading (like I do), follow me on Goodreads!
morning wellness 