Keeping a Journal

May 9, 2016January 6, 2018 ~ Lindsey ~ Leave a comment

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I remember seeing a joke somewhere that a therapist’s go-to response for clients sharing any sort of life challenge is, “Have you tried journaling?” And here I am now, asking you (as a not-yet-licensed therapist but also as a pal)…have you tried journaling?

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Keeping a journal has helped me in so many ways at different stages in my life. When I was a kid, it made me feel safe. I grew up with 6 million sisters (or: five) and having a journal was a comforting way to keep my private thoughts private. I wrote about how annoying my sisters were, how much I wanted to couple-skate with Cam at our school’s annual roller skating party, and shared all my secret embarrassing desires (like how I was excited to get my period one day. Can you imagine??).

In high school, on good days, my journal was a place to gush about every miniscule detail of every insignificant interaction I had with my crush. It was a place to spend way too much time sitting in the warm fuzzy feeling of interpreting the complexities of the way he said “See you later,” a place to dream about all the laters we could have together if everything went how I wanted. And my journal, on bad days, was ready and willing to be marked up with swear words and tear stains in accounts of an unpredictable life with an alcoholic parent. In a time of chaos, it was my rock – never judging, never prying.

My journal in college focused on dreams and wishes for the future. I wrote about my academic goals and daydreamed about creative pursuits that I promised I would get to someday (side note: I’d been slowly writing and planning for this blog for about a year before going live with it!). And now, post-college and post-grad school, my journal serves as a mechanism for my own personal exploration. The focus isn’t just on my dreams for the future, but also on how to better understand myself in the present. I write about events that shake me up and tease out the emotions behind it, exploring why these feelings showed up.

And on top of it all, I’ve noticed the awesome, awesome benefits of taking the time to be quiet, be present, and handwrite. I don’t think I’m over-the-top addicted to technology, but I will admit that I have been horrified at how quickly I instinctually pick up my phone to check Twitter after committing to writing. I didn’t even realize how much I needed to get away from my phone, computer, and TV until I noticed how hard it was to do. Journaling helps me disconnect and spend some time with myself. When was the last time you really did that?

So again, I ask you: Have you tried journaling? I came up with a few journaling topics – why not try it out?

Moving On From Those Kinds of Days

May 2, 2016January 6, 2018 ~ Lindsey ~ Leave a comment

This article was originally published for #AllTheVibes, a collaboration between I AM THAT GIRL and Biossance Skin Care. I really loved writing this because it gave me a chance to pass along practical tools for stress management that I’ve learned in my professional and personal studies. Let me know if you find any of these tips helpful in the comments!

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Some days, we could really use a reset button. We’re stressed out about a test, recovering from a painful breakup, or totally bummed about not making the volleyball team, and the whole day seems lost in bad feelings. Finding your way out of a rut can feel impossible – but the good news is that it isn’t. Here are some ideas about how to move on from those sucky days in a healthy way and be our own reset button.

· Repeat the mantra: I am enough.

Dealing with stress, heartache, or feelings of rejection can really affect our self-esteem. Close your eyes, put your hands over your heart, and say out loud, “I am enough.” Regardless of the test grade you get or your status as single or taken, you are worthy of love, just the way you are. Once you believe that, there is less reason to stress.

· Accept the situation.

Ask yourself, “Is there anything I can do to change this situation?” If the answer is no, we need to learn to accept it. The poetry magazine came out and your poem wasn’t selected to be featured. Right now, you can’t do anything to change that. Accept that this is the situation in the present moment – but find peace in knowing you will have so many future opportunities to excel.

· Practice deep breathing.

When we’re stressed, our breathing quickens, our heart rate speeds up, and we start feeling like we had too much panic-flavored coffee. When we practice deep breathing using our diaphragm, a large muscle found at the base of our lungs, oxygen levels in our blood increase and our heart rate slows down, returning us to calm. Put one hand on your chest and another below your ribcage. Inhale through your nose, counting to 6. Feel your stomach expand as your lungs fill up with air, and feel your chest remain as still as possible. Exhale through your mouth, counting to 8.

· Visualize your worries floating away.

If you’re really hung up on a particular worry, try this visualization technique. Close your eyes and imagine that you are sitting beside a slow, steady river. As you watch the river, you notice a leaf on the water in the distance. Imagine that the leaf represents your worry. Watch it come closer toward you, floating on top of the clear, fresh water – and then watch the leaf pass by. Watch it float along the river into the distance, and notice it getting smaller and smaller until you can’t see it anymore. Like the leaf, imagine that your worry has floated off into the distance, becoming something that you can no longer see, hear, or feel. Let your worry disappear.

It can be tempting to sink into bad feelings, because it’s tricky to pull ourselves out of them. Shifting perspectives and choosing positivity is a powerful way to reshape even the worst of days, and we all have the tools inside of ourselves to do it.

How I Self-Cared in April

April 25, 2016January 6, 2018 ~ Lindsey ~ Leave a comment

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April is coming to a close and I’m here to tell you a little bit about how I self-cared this month. As always, the intent is not to be self-indulgent, but is instead to remind myself to engage in intentional self-care every month, and to hopefully give you a couple ideas of how to do the same.

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I’m writing this Sunday night, and I have to be real: blogging is not on my self-care list for tonight. So, I’m gonna make this a short little post and then give myself the self-care time I need (which will involve reading, meditating, and watching Silicon Valley).

Reflect

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This month I dove back into journaling, and I’m really, really happy I did. I have been journaling since I was in like, second grade, so I’ve always considered myself a journaler (which, guys, is apparently not a word. Identity Crisis: Ensue). What I realized though, after I entered a stable relationship, was that so much of my past journaling was just musing about crushes! So cliché, right? But I found that when I sat down to journal about greater life things, actual exploration of personal goals and flaws and challenges, it was…harder. It wasn’t as fun to write about something that was bothering me and dig into the deeper reasons why. So I kind of put it off. I recently realized though that I missed it, and not even just missed it, but I thought I might need it. I had so many thoughts in my head that bothered me, but then just stayed on the surface and festered. I finally reached a breaking point of muddled thoughts and picked back up the journal. It’s been great. It’s still not always easy to initiate writing, but after I do it I feel like I just did a little brain detox. Released the bad stuff and gained a little clarity. It’s nice to spend an hour with a candle and your thoughts once in a while.

Pamper

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Tatcha Polished Rice Enzyme Powder: A gentle exfoliant that rids the skin’s surface of its dead skin cells. This product leaves your skin so soft without scratching it with harsh beads or particles, like so many other physical exfoliators. Exfoliating is important because it allows your other serums and moisturizers to penetrate deeper into your skin.

Fresh Rose Face Mask: This is one of those products that maybe does nothing for my skin but I just loveeee how luxurious it is. If you sign up for a Sephora card, you can get a mini of this mask for free during your birthday month. It’s supposed to be hydrating, but I mostly love it because it feels cooling and smells like roses. So perfect for self-care Sundays.

Josie Maran Pure Argan Milk Treatment: This Argan oil-based treatment is super hydrating and feels like heaven sinking into your skin. I love putting this on before bed and letting my skin soak it up while I watch an episode of Gilmore Girls. Just one of those luxurious, fancy feeling products that makes my night feel special whenever I use it.

How did you self-care this month?? I’d love to hear in the comments!

Thumbnail photo by Julia Janeta

Explaining Anxiety with Art

April 18, 2016January 6, 2018 ~ Lindsey ~ Leave a comment

The presence of anxiety in people seems to be an instant connector. Sure, anxiety makes it so that it’s not always so easy to make that connection (like, that would involve having to leave bed and actually initiate a conversation with a human). But when it happens, whether it’s in person or over Tumblr or Twitter or wherever, it feels good. Someone out there gets it. You aren’t alone.

Unfortunately, those with anxiety don’t always feel that.

Eighteen percent of the US population suffers from anxiety. But what about the other 82%? (I literally had to just use a calculator to do that. It’s fine. I’m fine.). If you suffer from anxiety, you will find some awesome people who know what to say (or not say) and how to try to understand your anxiety. This might be your best friend, your parents, your siblings, a teacher, or your therapist.

And then there will be the people that just do not get it. The outgoing people that love parties, never think twice about that embarrassing thing they did 9 years ago, and absolutely don’t check their bathroom 3 times before they leave for work to make sure they didn’t leave the hair straightener plugged in.

AKA The Enemy.

Just kidding. They’re not the enemy. They just sometimes need a little help in figuring out how to handle people with anxiety.

I think that, when people who don’t have cancer also don’t understand what it’s like to have cancer, that makes sense to everyone. Everything about cancer is unfamiliar to them. They don’t know how chemotherapy feels, they don’t know the emotions that come with being diagnosed — so it makes sense for people who don’t have cancer to be like, “Whoa, I know nothing about this so I’m just gonna sit here and be supportive.” But with anxiety, it’s different. You’re anxious about going answering a telephone? Well, non-anxious people answer telephones all the time with no problem…so why can’t you? It’s more tempting for people to try to problem-solve because the problems revolve around actions that are familiar to them…and are not at all anxiety-provoking in their minds.

So how do you try to explain to your mom, who answers the phone daily with complete ease, that answering a phone makes you extremely anxious, to the point of tears? I think it’s about capturing your personal emotional experience with anxiety and explaining it to the best of your ability. But it’s hard to describe complicated feelings and emotions with words.

If you are living with anxiety and have a parent, partner, friend, or sibling who doesn’t get it, try explaining the experience with pictures and comics. Drawings seem to be a really great way to frame feelings of anxiety in a way that’s easy for others to understand. Check out the photos below for some great examples of art describing anxiety. Leave a comment and let me know if you think they are accurate!

From Spencer at heymonster.tumblr.com:

From Claire at infinitenap.tumblr.com:

From boggletheowl.tumblr.com :

From Shea at College Humor,

Reality Vs. How It Feels with Social Anxiety:

Challenging Negative Thoughts

April 11, 2016January 6, 2018 ~ Lindsey ~ Leave a comment

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Last week we talked about automatic thoughts and cognitive distortions, which are negative thinking patterns that we’re especially prone to if we are feeling anxious or stressed.

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So now we know what cognitive distortions are and we’re really annoyed that they exist. Why can’t my brain be normal? we ask. Why can’t I live my life without assuming I messed everything up before I even started?

But this is the thing: we totally can. That’s not to say it isn’t hard – if you’ve been observing your automatic negative thoughts since my last post, you know how quickly they come on and how easy it is to just let them slip on by if you don’t take the time to stop and question them. And who wants to do that? When you’re having a negative automatic thought, you’re probably already feeling insecure, sad, anxious, or mentally exhausted. The easiest next step is sinking deeper into your bad mood, not challenging your thoughts.

Here at Morning Wellness, we’re trying to fight the temptation to succumb to “easy.” Easy Sunday mornings, easy listening music, easy math problems…those we’ll take. But responding to thoughts that make us feel icky in the easiest way is usually not the healthiest. “Easy” in these cases often means numbing, distracting, or lying to ourselves.

How can we fight “easy”? We can learn to notice our negative automatic thoughts and challenge them. Let’s walk through it, using the example from my last post: say your boss is usually very friendly, but today she made eye contact with you and didn’t smile. Your brain immediately thinks, “She must think I did a horrible job on that project. I really suck at this job.”

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1. Notice the negative thought.

We might be used to just having these self-deprecating thoughts and letting them slide, quickly moving on to the next thought. Challenge that. Really listen to the words you tell yourself about yourself. Write it down if you have to.

2. Identify the cognitive distortion.

Rationally consider the negative thought you just had. Using the list of common cognitive distortions, see if your negative thought fits into one of these categories. When we’re thinking rationally, we can probably pretty quickly identify that our thought is definitely a “jumping to conclusions” scenario. We’re immediately assuming that our boss didn’t smile because she thinks we did a horrible job on our project, and we take that as proof that we suck at our job.

3. Examine the evidence.

Ask yourself, “What evidence do I have to support my negative thought?” So, you think you really suck at your job. What evidence do you have that you suck? Have you gotten fired from this job? (Answer: obviously not…you’re still a working employee there). Have you been told you’re doing a bad job? Have you gotten demoted? Look for concrete evidence to support your negative thought. Is it there?

A lot of times, it isn’t.

4. Find evidence that contrasts with your negative thought.

Have you gotten promoted? Complimented on your work by your boss? Oftentimes we are totally bombarded with evidence that contrasts with the negative thoughts we have, but we choose not to accept them, or to some how justify them. “Yes my boss has complimented me, but that’s just how she is.” No!! We have to stop having thoughts like this. We have to accept the positive as quickly as we are willing to accept the negative.

5. Tell yourself what you would tell a friend who had this thought.

Imagine it was your best friend who came to you with this story. If someone said to me, “Lindsey, my boss didn’t smile at me today. She probably thinks I did horribly on my project and am a really bad employee,” I’d be like “…what?!” But for some reason, if I have that thought myself, I’m like, “Yep, sounds about right.” It truly makes no sense. If we change our perspective and imagine what we’d tell a friend who had this thought, we’ll have an easier time taking our own advice.

To me, challenging negative thoughts is really just about thinking rationally. Not allowing ourselves to sink into cognitive distortions. It’s really taking the time to mindfully consider our thoughts and whether they come from rational, evidence-based thinking.

If this post is speaking to you, there’s a lot online about challenging negative thoughts! I like these links here and here – they’re worksheets intended to be used for therapy, and they’re filled with great questions you can ask yourself when you think a distressing negative thought.

Challenge your thoughts this week! I’m gonna do it too. Let’s see how it goes 🙂

Change Your Thoughts

April 4, 2016January 6, 2018 ~ Lindsey ~ Leave a comment

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Out of all the things we have no control over in life, our brain isn’t one of them. No one knows 100% what we’re thinking – never have, never will. It’s actually kind of cool. We all have this secret space entirely to ourselves, where we can think whatever we want with no spectators, no punishment, no reward, no judgment, no boundaries. With endless ideas and concepts and room for growth and imagination, we can literally think about millions of things.

So it’s super cute that the things we often choose to think about are rooted in the same foundational concept: “I suck.”

I recently wrote an article for I AM THAT GIRL called, “When You’re Your Own Bully,” and today I want to get deeper into that topic. The article focuses on the negative thoughts we have about ourselves and the ways that these thoughts influence our lives. Negative thinking is a common struggle for lots of people, and dissecting that thinking is a typical practice in therapy.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, is one of the most well-known and research-backed psychotherapy approaches. It focuses on the connection between our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Each of these things influence each other – what we think affects how we feel, which then prompts particular behaviors. How we behave then affects how we feel, which shapes the way we think.

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It makes sense, then, why it’s so crucial that we carefully manage our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. They work together to create our mood and shape our quality of life. In cognitive-behavioral therapy, clients work with a therapist to identify their negative thought patterns and find ways to reframe those thoughts, encouraging healthier behaviors and comfortable emotions.

The first step of recognizing negative thought patterns is becoming familiar with our automatic thoughts. After an event occurs, into our brain pops an automatic thought, so quickly that most of the time we don’t even stop to think about it. Automatic thoughts aren’t always bad, but for the sake of this blog post we are going to talk about negative automatic thoughts.

So for example, let’s say the event in question is that you come into work and your (usually friendly) boss makes eye contact with you but doesn’t smile. Immediately, the anxiety-prone will have an automatic thought: Oh shit, she’s mad at me. I did something wrong. You’re then left feeling worried, scared, or maybe even defensive.

These negative automatic thoughts are often not based in reality. They aren’t facts, and they aren’t supported by concrete evidence. They are often what psychotherapists call cognitive distortions, which are unrealistic ways of thinking that we are prone to when we’re stressed, depressed, or anxious.

I made a graphic to show four common cognitive distortions that my friends, my clients, and I tend to gravitate towards. If these ways of negative thinking don’t resonate with you, check out this list of some other common cognitive distortions (there are, unfortunately, plenty to choose from).

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Learning about cognitive distortions is so important because it puts us back in the driver’s seat. If we learn to slow down, catch our negative automatic thoughts, and recognize them as cognitive distortions, we are putting ourselves back in control over our thoughts. Our negative thinking patterns can’t have power over us if we recognize our thoughts as exaggerated, fueled by anxiety, and based in nothing but assumptions.

Identifying cognitive distortions takes self-awareness and a whole lot of practice. And it’s not always easy – we can be really convincing when we tell ourselves all the reasons we suck and all the ways our lives are gonna be shitty forever. But by learning to recognize our go-to cognitive distortions, we are setting ourselves up to challenge those thoughts and replace them with healthy, positive, and rational ones.

In a future post, we’ll get into detail about challenging negative thoughts and cognitive distortions. For now, just practice noticing your automatic thoughts and whether they are negative or positive. Are your automatic thoughts cognitive distortions? What type? When do you notice distorted thinking coming into play – when you’re anxious? Depressed?

And hey, this week let’s try to tell ourselves that we don’t suck. Okay?

Thumbnail photo from Elizabeth Lies.

How I Self-Cared In March

March 28, 2016January 6, 2018 ~ Lindsey ~ Leave a comment

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Good morning! With the closing of March comes another post about my personal self-care activities this month. I’m typically an introvert but this was my birthday month (woohoo!) so I felt like I had more going on socially. I think it’s nice for introverts to switch things up a bit sometimes and get out there…which can be weirdly challenging if you’re a lover of coffee-and-pajamas in bed (all day). Which, don’t worry, I spent a lot of time doing too.

READ

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In the latter half of this month I really recommitted to spending more time reading (embarrassingly enough, likely inspired by Rory in all those Gilmore Girls episodes I’ve been watching). I’ve been really loving waking up an hour early before I get ready for work and just spending that time reading. It’s low-energy and relaxing – something I can do easily while my coffee seeps into my veins (yikes. The obsession is too real), and I find that it gives my brain a nice little boost to start the day off.

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I finished Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, which I bought and started reading long ago but finally really committed the time to it. The book is about creative living and tackling the roadblocks that inevitably come along with engaging in creative practices.

My review is mixed. I was honestly initially not very into it. It reads like a blog, almost – very colloquial, short sentences, tightly wrapped up into bite-sized 1-4 page sections that cover specific ideas or anecdotes. It makes the book a very easy read, and if you’re into the topic but don’t really consider yourself a “reader,” you’ll probably love the format. I think it’s just that, with nonfiction self-help-y books like this, I prefer more structure and support from outside quotes and academic research (similar to how Brene Brown writes in Daring Greatly). The first half of the book also goes into Elizabeth’s belief that ideas come to us and we have to catch them, or else they leave us and find someone else. Sometimes ideas need to be found by someone else and it’s okay if we let them escape, but other times we must hold onto them firmly and commit to manifesting them.

Guys, I’m not above new age thoughts. I love creative visualization, affirmations, and I even own a crystal or two. But something about that concept just didn’t do it for me. I just can’t pretend I believe that ideas bounce around from one consciousness to another in some weird supernatural dimension. To me, creativity is thrilling and igniting, but framing it as “mystical” or “magical” doesn’t inspire me much. I ultimately enjoyed the second half of the book much more, because I felt it was more practical. It touched on persisting through rejection, avoiding the “tortured artist” archetype, and trusting the creative process. The book was a fun read and I’d be curious to hear what you thought in the comments if you read it – but for me, I don’t think it’s one that I’d recommend for those who are really looking to dig deep into a practical guide on creativity.

EXPLORE

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My friend came into town for my birthday weekend and we spent a wonderful few days exploring around Los Angeles! My favorite parts of her visit were going to LACMA, the Los Angeles County Museum of Art, and hiking a tough trail in Burbank.

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I am always so inspired when I visit museums. I’m not an artist, but I wish I was – and even though I’m not, I find paintings and prints insanely inspiring. My favorite part of looking at old paintings is imagining the artist’s life. The things that inspired him, what her studio must have looked like, the people he must have known, the things she must have seen. I romanticize artists, which may be dangerous because they’re human and imperfect like us all. But I give in to the dreaminess and the stories I make up about them in my mind. And I’m glad I do.

NOURISH

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My favorite way to get my fruits and veggies is absolutely through juices and smoothies. I don’t have a juicer so when I’m at home I’m all about that smoothie life. It’s a great way to get some nutrition, and half the time it tastes more like a dessert than a healthy snack. These two recipes have been on rotation – a Mixed Berries and Banana smoothie from The Food Network and an Almond Butter Spinach smoothie from What’s Gaby Cooking. Both fast, easy, and delicious!

I hope you all had a wonderful March and are looking forward to April! My April goal is to journal at least once a week and to engage more fully in books and articles that support my professional growth.

And PS: I am sending an apology to anyone who had previously signed up for post updates through Bloglovin’! A little birdie told me that the site sends a ton of extra emails to your inbox, which I don’t want happening. Now if you sign up for email updates, you’ll get them through Mail Chimp, which seems to be working well so far. If you previously signed up for emails through Bloglovin’ and have been getting unwanted emails, feel free to cancel and then resubscribe using Mail Chimp, at the bottom of this page. Thank you!!

Healthy Choices in the Morning: How They can Change Your Whole Day

March 14, 2016January 6, 2018 ~ Lindsey ~ Leave a comment

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Good morning, lovelies! I’ve got a post today that I’m hoping will especially inspire you if you’re reading in the AM, so grab your coffee, slide open your curtains, and let’s do this.

(And if it isn’t morning when you’re reading, that’s ok. Please keep reading. Dear God, please do not leave. I have readership goals to achieve, here.)

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This weekend, I had a particularly productive Saturday morning, including (but not limited to!) reading, stretching, yoga, running, working on my blog, and cleaning. All this for a girl that’s susceptible to hours of Internet stalking, donut eating, and ultimately feelings of super crankiness if she doesn’t watch out? That’s pretty good.

It got me thinking of a concept that is so simple and almost certainly leads to better habits and more satisfying days, and that concept is this:

All of our choices are interconnected.

They lead into one another. Healthy choices encourage other healthy choices, and unhealthy choices perpetuate more unhealthy choices.

And the good news: starting our day off with healthy choices makes it way, way easier to continue making healthy choices throughout the day.

Take my Saturday, for example. I had gone to bed early enough that I was well-rested on Saturday morning – this was Healthy Choice #1, and it set the foundation for the whole day. Because I was well-rested, I was able to really enjoy leisurely take some time practicing self-care by reading (HC #2). Indulging in self-care satisfied my need for relaxation, making me totally down to take some time exercising and engaging in physical activity, like stretching, yoga, and running (HC #3).

Working out at the beginning of the day encourages tons of healthy choices, making things that are normally a struggle for me something I want to do — like drinking tons of water, which makes us feel fuller, eat less, and stay energized (HC #4), and taking a cold shower, which boosts our immune system and is great for our skin and hair (HC #5).

Starting the day with a workout also sets up how we eat for the rest of the day. Sure, I may still give in to that Taco Bell craving for dinner, but in my experience, I’m much more likely to follow up my workout with a healthy snack or green smoothie (HC #6), because my mindset is stuck on continuing the healthy choices I’m making.

When we make daily life choices, we feel the results of them. We know how bad it feels to wake up at noon with a hangover, to spend 5 hours watching Netflix, to eat fast food 3 nights in a row and feel our credit card bills racking up. And alternatively, we know how great it feels after we tidy up our apartment, go for a walk, call our mom, practice yoga, or eat a healthy meal.

We feel great. We feel nourished. We feel confident. We start to believe that we are the kind of person who makes healthy choices, and that feels really good.

So my food for thought this week is this: let’s not make it hard on ourselves. Let’s make good, healthy, positive choices from the moment we open our eyes in the morning, so that it’s easy to keep making them. Keep it simple. Start your day off with some morning wellness – let’s see where it takes us.

(Hey, Morning Wellness! Now I get it 😉

The Answer to Your Stress: Asking for Help

March 7, 2016January 6, 2018 ~ Lindsey ~ Leave a comment

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Recovering from a sickness and becoming accustomed to a new job has been a little bit of a stress overload for me. Like, I’m supposed to be an awesome new employee + write for this blog + write features for other blogs + catch up with my friends and family + practice self-care, all while feeling like my stomach’s a wavepool? Can I even do that when I’m not sick?

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I kept thinking of that Sarah Jessica Parker movie I Don’t Know How She Does It. Which no, I didn’t see, and yes, I laughed openly at the trailer. It was actually a pretty weird reference for my brain to keep pulling, out of all the media I’ve consumed over the course of my 20-something years.

It came, I’m sure, from me internally saying to myself: I don’t know how I do it. And so now I’ll ask you…do you know how you do it?

And a better question: Why do we do it?

The huge cultural emphasis on being busy makes us think this constant hustling and catching our breath is normal; and not only normal, but expected. We’re supposed to be able to do everything (on time, perfectly, and by ourselves).

But it’s damaging. We’re overwhelming ourselves. We’re taking the fun out of our passions and cluttering up our mind with schedules and deadlines, and sometimes we’re just straight up dropping responsibilities all together, because procrastination and avoidance is the only way we know how to deal with not being able to handle our tasks.

So let me ask you this: when was the last time you asked someone for help?

There are a lot of reasons we don’t ask for help. There’s the fear of burdening others. The fear that we’ll look weak. The fear that we’ll look silly asking for help, because our problems and responsibilities aren’t half as overwhelming as other people’s.

But here’s the weird thing: those fears aren’t grounded in any truth.

A Psychology Today article titled, “Friendship: The Laws of Attraction” shares the following research:

“In one classic study, participants won “contest money” from a researcher. Later the researcher approached some of them and explained he’d actually used his own money and had little left; could he have the money back? Most agreed. Later, the researchers found, those asked to do the favor rated the researcher more favorably than those not approached. ”

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So, the people who received free money liked this guy less than the ones that were asked to give the free money back. Kind of weird, right?

The article suggests that the outcome implies that we believe that our choice to go out of our way to help someone means that he or she must be worth helping, which makes us like them more.

But I think it’s more than that. I think we all want to feel wanted by people. We want to feel like another person trusts us and views us as capable enough to help them. We want to be the person that someone thinks of when she is really stuck, and needs someone reliable and dependable to lean on.

Think about the fears that you have associated with asking for help. Now think of the last time someone asked you for help. Did you think that person was weak? Incompetent? Irresponsible? Probably not. So if you asked someone for help, why would that person think those things of you?

I’m willing to bet you’ve got some amazing people in your life. When you’re stressed and overwhelmed and ready to pull your hair out, remember that they are there to help you. They want to help you. It might even make them like you more if you ask them to help you.

You don’t have to do it all by yourself.

And hey, maybe that’s the moral of that Sarah Jessica Parker movie. I’ll never know, because I’ll never watch it. But it could’ve been good. But probably not. But I’ll probably still think about it every time I’m stressed to the point of saying in my head, “I don’t know how I do this,” so who’s really the loser here?

How I Self-Cared in February

February 29, 2016January 6, 2018 ~ Lindsey ~ Leave a comment

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I apologize for kicking this post off with some cliché small talk, but seriously HOW is it the end of February?? It actually like, freaks me out. Time moves so fast. It’s so important that we make the most of it!

In continuing on with my tradition, I’d like to share my end-of-the-month “How I Self-Cared” round up. Reflecting on this month…I think I could have done a little better with my daily self-care practices.

This was a month of transition for me, because, if you’ll remember my recent post about the difficulties I was having finding a social work related job, well – I found one! I’ll be working in the field of substance abuse treatment, and I’m so excited for all the learning and growth that’s ahead of me. With that change, I’ve had to settle into a new work / leisure schedule that has taken some getting used to, but I’m looking forward to finding the flow in the month of March.

Without further ado, here’s my February self-care in a nutshell!

Watch

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This month, Judd Apatow’s Love was released on Netflix, and I was obsessed. I talked to one of my bff’s (and loyal blog readers) about this show and we were laughing because our consumption of it was reallyyy teetering on the “active vs. passive relaxation” line, based on how much we watched in one sitting. But if you watch like 4 episodes of something in a row but are truly enjoying it every step of the way…isn’t that still self-care?

If you’re tempted by that Netflix-binging lifestyle, this could be a good show for you because I found that it’s fun to watch multiple episodes of and it also makes you think. The season revolves around the unlikely connection between two very different people, and their journey either pulling away or pushing a little too hard towards each other. The themes of co-dependency, addiction, and self-sabotage are really thought-provoking, and played wonderfully by Paul Rust and Gillian Jacobs (actors I have actually loved for a while, thanks to their appearances on the Comedy Bang Bang podcast – another great resource for comedy lovers lookin for some self-care). I feel silly whenever I write these mini TV or movie reviews because like, what do I know?? But trust me. It’s effortlessly funny and it’s not your average rom-com. You’ll like it.

Explore

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A friend who lived in Santa Barbara, California recommended some great spots in the area, so my hunny and I decided to go on a little day trip to celebrate 6 years together. It really reminded me how necessary it is to get out of our normal surroundings every once in a while. The awesome thing about this trip was that it required such little planning and effort. We drove about an hour and a half away and just kind of strolled around, and even something as simple as that made for an amazing day. We went to some wine tastings, walked along the ocean, went into some shops, got a great pizza, ate a little ice cream, then went along on our way and were home by like, 8:30! I’m excited that I already knocked out one of my 2016 goals (to visit a new city) and I want to make an effort to do things like this more often. For anyone who feels like they’re in a bit of a rut or lacking some life excitement, Google “Places to go on a day trip near [your city].” I think it does a lot of good for the soul!

Productivity Practice

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When I was working from 8-5, I’d wake up my roommate (and, conveniently, love of my life) before heading out for work and he’d write for 2 hours before his own job started. I was really inspired by this, but with my schedule, that would require me waking up at like 4am everyday. Now with my new job, which starts much later in the morning, I can actually join him! I wanted to wake up early and work on either creative pursuits or professional growth readings because I liked the idea of slow mornings that could set my day off right.

I also remembered an old post from Jess Lively’s blog that apparently inspired me enough to stick with me for years. She writes about being influenced by Stephen Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and his idea that we should focus one hour a day on “Sharpening the Saw,” or nurturing our physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional needs. I haven’t read the book, but the blog post seems to imply that we should spend an hour on each of these things a day, but like…I’m not a superhuman over here. I did find it to be a further motivator, though, for getting up an hour early and spending time either working on my blog, reading, or anything else that might nurture my mind. I’ve only gotten to do this for a week, since my new job just started, but I am really loving it so far. It sets my day off with some control and productivity, which leaves me inspired and boosts my mood. I know it’s so hard, but if you’re in a position to get up an hour earlier than usual to nurture your physical, mental, spiritual, or emotional needs, I’d really highly recommend it!

Hope you all had a February full of self-care! Now, onto March!

How I Self-Cared in January

How I Self-Care in December

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	Sarah on Beating the Boring & Findi…
	Lindsey on Finding What’s Worked fo…
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morning wellness

where mental health meets real life.

Keeping a Journal

Moving On From Those Kinds of Days

· Repeat the mantra: I am enough.

· Accept the situation.

· Practice deep breathing.

· Visualize your worries floating away.

How I Self-Cared in April

Reflect

Pamper

How did you self-care this month?? I’d love to hear in the comments!

Explaining Anxiety with Art

From Spencer at heymonster.tumblr.com:

From Claire at infinitenap.tumblr.com:

From boggletheowl.tumblr.com :

From Shea at College Humor,

Reality Vs. How It Feels with Social Anxiety:

Challenging Negative Thoughts

1. Notice the negative thought.

2. Identify the cognitive distortion.

3. Examine the evidence.

4. Find evidence that contrasts with your negative thought.

5. Tell yourself what you would tell a friend who had this thought.

How I Self-Cared In March

READ

EXPLORE

NOURISH

Healthy Choices in the Morning: How They can Change Your Whole Day

All of our choices are interconnected.

The Answer to Your Stress: Asking for Help

How I Self-Cared in February

Watch

Explore

Productivity Practice

Previous Posts

· Repeat the mantra: I am enough.

· Accept the situation.

· Practice deep breathing.

· Visualize your worries floating away.

Reflect

Pamper

How did you self-care this month?? I’d love to hear in the comments!

From Spencer at heymonster.tumblr.com:

From Claire at infinitenap.tumblr.com:

From boggletheowl.tumblr.com:

From Shea at College Humor,

Reality Vs. How It Feels with Social Anxiety:

1. Notice the negative thought.

2. Identify the cognitive distortion.

3. Examine the evidence.

4. Find evidence that contrasts with your negative thought.

5. Tell yourself what you would tell a friend who had this thought.

READ

EXPLORE

NOURISH

All of our choices are interconnected.

Watch

Explore

Productivity Practice

Previous Posts

From boggletheowl.tumblr.com :